All Essex rides lead to Thaxted, with its really big hill. It’s The Law. There’s even a picture of the Thaxted windmill on the front of the OS map of the area. One of these rides was no exception. The other...let’s just say, I would have rather gone to Thaxted than bloody Tilty.
These two rides covered almost exactly the same ground, just
in reverse order. Almost everything else about them is reversed as well. The
second ride was a great day out, good company, good food, good weather and good
roads. The first one...wasn’t.
1. Audley End to
Henham
The train timetable means that if I want to do one of the
audaxes from ‘The ‘Uts’ (a group of cycling club houses in Essex clustered
around Elsenham and Henham), I either have a long wait, or a long ride to the
start. This time I chose the long ride to the start, alighting the train at
Audley End and riding the six miles or so into the wind to the Shaftesbury
clubhouse. This was my first mistake. Getting to the start of the ride with
only five minutes to spare, I had no time for a cup of tea or a bacon roll, or
even to really sort out my stuff.
2. HQ to High Roding
The usual thing happened in that within ten minutes I had
lost sight of the field and was plodding along off the back of the group. This
is a little dispiriting; I don’t feel I am that slow a rider, but I am slower
than most on audax rides. So I was quickly on my own, but I followed the route
sheet through and reached the first control – and two other riders arrived
behind me! So not last after all, and I hadn’t yet taken a wrong turning.
Things were looking promising.
3. High Roding to Pleshey
This was only a very short stage, through two villages. One
of my tail-ender friends caught up with me again here. I stopped to eat some
Haribo, and then sailed on down a lovely big hill – the right direction!
4. Pleshey to Lindsell
This is where it all started to go a bit wrong. The weather
was much colder than forecast – I had chosen to wear little ankle socks and
summer shoes so my feet were cold, and I started to get cramp in my toes.
Usually this happens after about 40 miles so I was worried they was already
doing it at mile 20. I stopped, I got off the bike, I stretched my leg muscles
out – nothing worked. Every time I had to put any weight on the pedal at all,
my foot seized up. I made it through Felsted past the very posh school,
and limped through Stebbing into Lindsell, where I saw my friend again,
studying a map. I wondered why, since he was obviously following me!
5. Lindsell to HQ via Tilty
I soon found out. He had obviously been looking for a way to
avoid Tilty. Tilty of the endless hill, which I was reduced to walking
up after my foot completely seized at the bottom. Tilty of the sideways rain,
which soaked me in seconds and was completely unforecast – I was in totally the
wrong clothes, and had already been cold. Tilty of the crows standing by the
side of the road waiting for the weary cyclists to stop moving. Tilty of the
swivel-eyed old man with a flat cap and a whippet muttering to himself as I
crawled past. Tilty. That’s all the sign says. Just: Tilty. No ‘welcome’, no
‘please drive carefully’. Just: Tilty. I reckoned it should add: Now piss off!
6. Cake
So, I packed at the halfway point. Apparently there were
quite a number of quitters, mainly because of the weather. After handing over
my unfinished brevet card, I went in for a cup of tea and a bit of cake. The
Shaftesbury CC do some fantastic food, which went some way to thawing me out –
including the biggest chocolate muffin I have ever seen.
All this meant that I had unfinished business with The Tilty
Area.
1. Audley End to Thaxted Poppy Tea Room
This ride actually started in Audley End, so already it was
looking up. In addition, the weather forecast had been rubbish all week – heavy
rain, high winds – but it was actually sunny, quite warm and with a light
breeze. A group of ten of us set off towards Thaxted, and we all stayed
together – this was a social ride. A few stiff hills here at the
beginning, and we were soon at Thaxted just in time for the tea room to open
and feed us cake, cream teas and cinnamon crumpets!
2. Thaxted to High Roding
This ride was almost an exact reverse of the Chris Negus
ride. This direction was much more cycle-friendly! The hills we rode down
seemed to outnumber the hills we rode up, which is always the right way
around. The sun came out for a while. Past Pleshley with a brief stop to fix a
p******e, and then slightly off-route to find the Black Lion in High Roding for
lunch. This is a 14th century pub (many of the villages around this
area of Essex are fairly ancient, boasting 500-600 year old buildings and pubs.
I imagine the history of the names alone is very interesting) where we had some
lovely baguettes and chips. Slightly depressing that we were the only
customers, although the landlady said that more people would be in later. But
these places, if they close, are lost forever, or turned into ‘executive
dwellings’ for stockbrokers to buy (spit), which is a terrible fate!
3. High Roding to Audley End, via Henham
After lunch we got a bit faster, as it was almost 3pm and we
wanted to get back in daylight, before the weather turned. The brief window of
warmth had gone and it was getting colder so we powered through towards Takely
where there was another p******e to fix. The roads were covered in several
places by stones and washout – there had been some serious rain the day before
the ride. I do have a slight dread of this happening to me on a group ride – I
can fix a p******e but I can’t do it quickly!
Tyre repaired, we then made fast time back to Audley End,
past the ‘Uts and through Newport, where a large deer ran across the road right
in front of one of our riders, less than 10m away! A rather hairy moment.
Disaster averted we got back to Audley End just in time for my train.
A much better ride!!
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